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。。。。。演讲稿求批改~

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西斯

发表于 2012-8-17 00:23 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Earth, what is Earth. I think Earth is human’s mother. Earth can effect our lives in many ways such as transport ,agriculture.…..Earth is the most important things of us.
How to make the earth smile? If we want to make the earth smile we need to protect the environment. I think we need to solve the problems in agriculture and nature resource.
Resource,well, I think the most important problems of resource is using resources unlimitedly. Now we need resources every day such as oil, metal, wood and electric. Now the price of resources is very high, because they are shortage but people still need it. Why they are shortage? Because human is avaricious! They want resources such as electric when they don’t have these resources. But when they have these resources, then they waste it, such as open AC all the day or waste the paper. So, that’s why the resources are wasted. So, now if we want to solve this problem, we need to have energy-reducing life. We need to use everything limitedly. And then I believe that the earth can smile again.
Now,we need to talk about Agriculture. I think there are two problems about agriculture, firstly is the using of straw and secondly is the using of farm chemical. In ancient time, people use straw as mattress, they never burned it. But now, most farmers burn it. It can pollute the air. It well let the global warning to be more serious. So I think we can use straw as mattress, just like ancient people. And we also can use it to product paper then we can solve the problem of straw and wood at the same time. Now lets talk about the problem of farm chemical. Now, we use the farm chemical because it can kill the pests in the farm very quickly and it is very cheap. But it can broke the food chain at the some time. So I think if we want to kill the pests we can use the food chain, such as to Cultivation the frogs and then the frogs can eat the pests. It’s better then farm chemical. I turst that after this, the earth will smile again.
Maybe, our modern is better than before, but, it is bad to nature, bad to earth, and bad to ourselves. So, if we want to make the earth smile, we need return to nature, to have a energy-reducing life.
At last thank you.

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帝国

发表于 2012-8-17 00:50 | 显示全部楼层
好文章
消灭叛军,帝国万岁

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发表于 2012-8-17 02:34 | 显示全部楼层
楼主,你应该告诉我们题目以便于评价你写的是不是偏题什么的,如果不看题目还不错。
So I think we can use straw as mattress, just like ancient people.
这句好像不大可能了,睡惯了席梦思你让人家睡稻草去人家肯定不干,不如改成利用其制成天然肥料或者产生沼气。
英语和语文都很烂,说得不好,勿拍。
I can still fell you.

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发表于 2012-8-17 02:37 | 显示全部楼层
还有,在说化学农藥的害处时可以举一些实例,更有说服力······话说楼主你是要从语法上改还是语言上,说清楚点啊!
I can still fell you.

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发表于 2012-8-17 08:37 | 显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 groundwalker 于 2012-8-17 17:15 编辑

It can pollute the air.
can改为would

It well let the global warning to be more serious.
well改为will

And we also can use it to product paper then we can solve the problem of straw and wood at the same time.
product改为produce,product为名词

Maybe, our modern is better than before
modern改为modern society

it is bad to nature, bad to earth, and bad to ourselves.
改为it is bad for nature, bad for earth, and bad to ourselves.

we need return to nature
改为we need to return to nature

At last thank you.
改为That's all. Thank you.

还有点意见:
这篇文章里,重复用词太多。重复得多,让人读起来都觉得烦,何况是听众呢?
资源那一段里面把resource这个词重复得太频繁,建议用点别的词代替一下。
除了必要的冠词、介词,整篇文章重复最多的,就是so和now,还有talk about。
so 这个词,建议删一点,用点别的连接词。now就改改,用点什么nowadays那样的。
那个talk about,删吧。。。

两个短视频,跟你这个环保的主题有关的。。。
water planet 和 globle warming,土豆没找到视频,我上传了又被删了,没办法。。。
给你贴water planet的原话吧,不过有些地方单词打错了。。。
Consider this: We live on a water planet. Through the millennium the water cycle has supported all life. Shaping weather, seasons and climate, providing habitats for most of the world's living things and most of them, including us, are almost entirely made up of water.
Now consider this: Water is a finite substance, a limited resource. Only a tiny fraction of the Earth's water is fresh. It supports everything from agriculture and sanitation to aquatic ecosystems like rivers and streams. Water falls unevenly across the planet, while much of it is locked up in glaciers, permanent snow cover, ice and permafrost. Water is also stuck underground, very deep in the earth and hard to reach. To make matters worse, water is being threatened by pollution, overpopulation, climate change, mismanagement and war. Pollution is so severe that diseases are increasing in both humans and animals, habitats are being destroyed, rain is turning into acid. So many chemicals flow into rivers and lakes that the actual composition of water in some places has been fundamentally changed. Human encroachment is also drying out aquifers diverting the natural flow of rivers and straining water supplies. Hidden in everyday consumption is the careless and unnecessary waste of water. Massive dams displace millions of people and destroy whole ecosystems. Global warming is altering the water cycle, causeing more severe and unpredictable flooding and droughts, ultimately shifting where water flows. Unregulated corporate privatization threatens access to the water for the poor, while some governments fail to deliver water where it is needed most. There stresses have created polotical and military conflicts that will only get worse. Ultimately humanity is poisoning, squandering and overburdening water resources. The result is that billoins of people lack access to clean water. Milloins of children die every year from prevenable water born diseases. Lack of clean water and basic sanitation traps people in poverty; people are fighting and dying for water. We are at a crists point; we still have time to turn it around. We can conserve water and not to waste it. Invest in smart water infrastructure and technologies, increase environmental regulations on polluting industries, tell government leaders to fulfill financial pledges for clean water, ensure that water is not treated as a commondity. But most important, we must recognize that access to clean water is a basic human right and the United Nations should adopt a global treaty on the right to water. Water equals life, there is no separation. By protecting water, we can protect ourselves and this blue planet for future generations.

如果你能翻墙,你去youtube上面看吧。。。
或者QQ找我要也行。。。
打酱油啊打酱油~

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 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-18 08:05 | 显示全部楼层
回复 3# 内涵者联盟


    不,事实上,我的意思是也同时发展这种产业,而非说强制逼别人换= =

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 楼主| 发表于 2012-8-18 08:06 | 显示全部楼层
回复 5# groundwalker


    。。。事实上。。。。我的演讲的时间很短,我的原稿已经属于很长了。。。所以例子什么的我已经不能再举了。。。

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发表于 2012-8-18 22:07 | 显示全部楼层
回复 7# DIERIBURY


    我没让你举例子。。。我让你参考一下那里的句子的用法。。。
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